I am going to be completely honest. I had a bit of smugness going into this second round of parenting. When I had my first I had no experience with kids. Like none. No nieces of nephews, I had never babysat, heck they even had to teach me how to change a diaper at the hospital. Kids just weren’t in my world. Then all of a sudden here I was the mother of an infant in the NICU. I was now the mother of a special needs child. It has been hard but I think I have done a pretty kick ass job.

When we had our second son I was all “geez this is so easy!!!!”. Let me note that this was AFTER the infant stage when I was getting sleep. That infant stage is really, really hard no matter what.  For a little while it was actually pretty easy compared to my experience with my first son. No open heart surgery, no sleep studies, no therapists, no specialists etc. Alex was learning things so quickly and without much effort. I kept joking that all I had to do was feed him, give him water and change his diapers and he was taking care of the rest. It felt that easy. I was all “Pshawww, this typical mom thing is a breeeeeeze.”

Lately though things are getting hard. Alex is stubborn and feisty in a way that Elliott was not. He fights me all day long. I feel like everything is a battle. It is exhausting in a whole different way. I feel like I can’t turn my back on him for a minute without him creating some kind of mayhem. He learns to do things so easily and then seems to enjoy using his new powers against me.

I feel like the universe was like “Alright, time to take her down a few notches!!! Bring on the terrible twos!!!! That’ll bring her back down to earth. Cue tantrums! Cue night time freak outs! Cue general terrible behaviors!”

This is like learning how to parent all over again. It is an entirely different experience. It is draining and hard in it’s own way. I feel bad now about that FB mom group I quietly and haughtily left as I rolled my eyes after one too many posts that annoyed me in their “triviality”. I realize now that no matter what your situation is motherhood is so f&%king hard. No one gets it easy. When I really think of it as a special needs mom I had a huge team, therapists, teachers, doctors, specialists, and support groups in person and on line.  I had guidance. I feel like that in itself was a blessing. As a typical mom so often we are thrown into it with zero guidance and a world of info. No one to take your hand and help actually show you how to do this whole parenting thing but a dizzying world of ideas and opinions on how you should be doing things to not screw your kid up. It can be super isolating and stressful.

This journey is a tough one and I am learning that I am not a special flower who has it so much harder than any other mom. We are all doing the best we can. I feel like such a jerk now thinking of all of those other moms who reached out their hands when I was in my early special needs mom years. They had their own tough times happening that I was oblivious to. My apologies ladies to not seeing that my story wasn’t the only one happening. May I be a better person for having these two very different experiences.

Photos by  – Brittony Vermeer Photography (she is awesome!)