There is almost nothing I love more than the stillness of my house just as the sun is rising.  There is just something about those moments after I have done my morning yoga and I have a fresh cup of coffee in my hand. It is my favorite time of day. Well one of them, I also love the quiet of nap time and the hour before bed.

I just really enjoy stillness and quiet. I find myself savoring these times more so now than any other time in my life. It is the combo of being a mom and being sober. I now really, really appreciate the beauty of peace and calm in a way I never did before.

Every morning though when I get up an hour or so before anyone else in our house I am playing dangerous game. It is a gamble. If I win, I get that sweet, sweet hour to myself. If I lose my youngest wakes up and I am adding an extra hour of mom duty to my day. Another hour of a tiny little tyrant making sure I don’t have time to address any of my personal needs. No shower, no yoga, no meditation, no watching the flipping sunrise. Just getting yelled at because we are locked in a battle over what cup he should be drinking his milk out of.

That is exactly what happened this morning. Except this morning I raised the stakes a little bit higher and got up 2 hours early in the hopes of maybe getting at least 1 hour.

I bet you can guess what happened. I got maybe a half and hour. So enough to give me a little tease of freedom. Then Alex started yelling for me and I can’t let that go on too long for fear of him waking the older one up and being on double kid duty super early.

So there we were, sun wasn’t even up yet and he was ready to party.

Maybe it was because I actually got a yoga session in and was feeling a little woo woo but I took a breath and told myself that I could get annoyed and we can all have a sh%tty morning or maybe I could just stop and turn it around and try to have some special time with my little shadow.

So, I got my coffee and grabbed him some milk (thank goodness no battle this morning!) and we went into the living room to chill out together. It was really nice actually. We did some puzzles, read a couple of books, talked numbers and letters and had some really nice one on one time. He entertained himself a little and I got to read a magazine. It was like he responded to my relaxed energy.  It was lovely.

I realized somewhere around the 8th time we were doing the alphabet puzzle that this all is going to come to an end soon. He is almost 2. He will not always jump at the chance to hang out with me the second he hears that I am awake. There is going to come a day that he is grown and gone. These days are fleeting. I know it sounds cliche and corny but it is so true. These moments when he looks at me with those big brown eyes like I am the center of his world will end sooner than I will be ready for.

These days are long. These days are hard. I am trying to practice as much presence as I can though. There will be plenty of time for watching sunrises and drinking coffee in the quiet morning. There will be many mornings ahead where I will be smiling thinking about these days and wanting just one more. I don’t want them to slip by. This morning I was able to really enjoy it. I am so happy that I took that moment to reset. Yay me. Future me thanks you.

Stop, breath, reset, enjoy the moment. These baby days are in the end only a tiny fraction of your life.