The last two weeks I have been introducing a new afternoon ritual with the boys. At 5PM everything shuts down. No TV, no music, no mom the cruise director. Usually at this time of day I am cooking dinner and I had gotten into the habit of turning on something on the old PBS Kids app and letting them go. At first it was a half an hour and over time had stretched as long as 3 hours. Yes it is educational TV but that is too much. So I attempted to cut it back and ran into complete resistance from both kids. Both of them went into hysterical breakdowns when they would see me come into the living room knowing that I was coming to shut off the TV. Little did they know that all that did was strengthen my resolve.

So I started to strictly limit TV time.

Then the music started. Elliott asks for music as the next best thing when it is clear that there is no TV coming. Which was all well and good and fun . Then he got pushy with it. Throwing fits if I didn’t put on the song he wanted right at that moment. 

I was so frustrated. It was so draining. They were both so pushy and demanding for these distractions. It was somewhere around the time I was trying to finish up dinner with both of them literally hanging off of my clothes crying that I decided that was it. I realized that they needed boredom as much as I do.

When I was younger boredom is what led me to my interests. Boredom is where this little weirdo kid found the arts and theater and music. Where I found an interest in crafts and nature. It is where I picked up books I would have never gotten to, explored places I would have otherwise passed up. Where I spent hours tinkering with things and learning how they work. Hours spent singing, exploring the mechanics of my own voice. These bored moments have made me who I am as much as any structured education ever did.

Why then did I feel like I need to be the entertainment committee and cruise director for my kids? I think it stems from the fact that over the years I myself have come to fear boredom. Everything is at our fingertips now. Every bit of info, every song we could want, classes, podcasts, videos, recipes…there is almost nothing we can’t get in a moment’s notice. It became a crutch for me. I had become almost incapable of just being quiet and not having anything to do. It was uncomfortable and totally unappealing. This last year of sobriety and self work has forced me to face that. Yes I meditate and do yoga, that is important but this is different. That is planned self introspection stuff.  The harder thing for me was to not have planned things going on every moment. To sit quietly and let my thoughts go and lead me or not. You know to just putz around. It isn’t lazy and a waste of time. I need it. It is necessary.

I feel that by constantly taking it upon myself to entertain my kids or to allow some sort of electronics (no matter how educational) do it for me is robbing them of the gifts of boredom. I think part of this is the special needs mom pressure I feel. Like I am given all of this guidance. I have all of these things we are supposed to be working on. Speech exercises, hand strengthening exercises, working on jumping, standing from kneeling, reading etc. Sometimes it feels like if I don’t do every single thing with him to it’s utmost I am possibly robbing him of the most independent and full life he could have. All my fault because I didn’t do those handwriting sheets. I am sure that sounds silly but I know I am not alone in this. Then I step back and watch Elliott pretend playing with stuffed animals and I realize that there are some things that are just as important, like imaginative play, that there is no amount of therapy exercises will give him. I need to give him space for that. Space and time. Alex is only almost 2 and he needs that as well already.

So 5PM is quiet, entertain yourself time. I am working hard to include myself in this too. I turn off podcasts and music. Oh, podcasts you are both my favorite thing and my downfall. Our house goes quiet. until bedtime. Songs have been known to be used for bribery for things like tooth flossing but even then I am finding that breaking the ban on the stuff can lead quickly to demanding, screaming kids again. We are a work in progress. So far though the results have been good.

Here’s to the gifts boredom brings. Let’s not forget the power of putzing.

 

Thanks for checking out my ramblings and and thoughts!

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